OK, For the first and probably last time, here are Amp’s predictions for the coming year.

1. Britney Spears will periodically make weak attempts to correct course as she continues to (to quote Bush) "succeed more slowly" as a fit mother. But she will make a better slut! BTW, Britney my darling, you are hereby awarded the AMPLAND SLUT OF THE YEAR AWARD, not only for showing us what we wanted to see, but for proving to us that we really didn’t want to see it after all. REHAB PROBABILITY 42%

2. So much media time will be spent on the Presidential Primaries, America will stop watrching TV altogether. Birth rates and Ampland traffic will rise as a result.

3. The War in Iraq will turn into the "situation in the Middle-East", as Iran emerges more firmly as a really bad neighbor, and the Administration in Washington fails to negotiate it’s way through or around the completely fucked dynamic of Iraq-Iran-Israel-Syria-Lebanon-et-fucking-cetera. There will be an avalanche of bad news, and damn little good. I REALLY hope I am wrong.

4. AOL will try more and more desperate things to stay alive - and will just end up looking like - well - AOL.

5. Weird weather will continue around the globe, with many records set.

6. OIl will reach $100 a barrel.

7. Someone will either axe Rosie O’Donnell from "The View", or she will have an addadictomy and become the little asshole Irishman she really is.

8. A bright journalist will realize that Condolezza Rice has never had a boyfriend, and investigate her secret life as a lesbian Dom. The journalist will die mysteriously from a lethal overdose of Uteronium*.

9. Every professional psychic on Earth will fail to win a State or National lottery. Of course, they already know this.

10. Barak Obama and Tiger Woods.will receive $11 million each to make a "gellin" commercial for Dr. Scholls, and we will all want to hurt them.

11. The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer.

12. 33% of the time, The National Enquirer headlines won’t look any weirder than the LA Times.

*Uteronium is a secret radioactive substance secreted by the human female uterus. It can penetrate sheetrock and is lethal to the male brain.