Take Me To Your Idiots

December 30th, 2006 · No Comments

	The President of the United States, our Commander-in-Chief is safe tonight after a harrowing brush with a weather report. This afternoon, as the President and Laura Bush sat safely in their massive home at the President’s ranch in Crawford, TX, the National Weather Service issued a tornado warning. The Secret Service responded immediately by telling the President and Mrs. Bush to gather their little yapper dogs and go outside and wait in the car. Which they did. No, Really.
	Sadam Hussein, the former President of Iraq was not so lucky. To start with, his weather tonight was right around freezing, with a light NW breeze. In the second place, he was hung by the neck until dead. And so we close a chapter in a book we all hope is nearing its end.
	The President of Iran, Mahmood, Ahmadinezhad, or Moe as I like to call him, seems hell-bent on the eradication of the State of Israel and Jews in general, the development of Weapons of Mass Destruction including an arsenal of nuclear weapons, and Global Domination. After that, he wants to throw Christians to the lions and, I suppose, go to Disneyland.
	Kim Jong Il, the President of North Korea just got his first nukes, and word is he would sell them on Ebay if he had better feedback. It is also rumored he would sell them in the NY Times , but his entire country is worth less than the price of a three-line Times classified ad.
	Fidel Castro, President of Cuba for the last two hundred years, is dying. He isn’t just dying. He isn’t dying like Saddam died (Hey Saddam, can you come here a sec.? This won’t take long…) Castro is Dying. Like Timothy Leary died in the 90’s. Slowly. Visibly. With Drama. When he does, everyone will be better off, yes? Probably not. His brother Raul, who is a clinically insane sadist with a low I.Q. will be taking the wheel.
	And Momar Kadafi, the President of Libya, a guy who used to hang with Ugandan dictator Idi Amin (famous for eating human flesh, freezer full of young ‘un filets) is now the Chairman of the United Nations Human Rights Commision.
Well, with world leadership of this caliber, we should be fine. No reason to panic. 2007 is looking like a great year!