Has Anybody Seen My Dick?

Amp got on a scale today. Fuck. I think I might have owned motorcycles that weigh less than I do. I mean that whole holiday thing of overeating hits you faster when you just sit at a computer all day. But fuck it, Christmas is coming, my old lady is still making deserts (she gets baked and bakes), so I am just going to have to eat my way to 2007.

Well, misery loves company, so I thought I would go on a fat quest, and find out how the competition is doing. Pretty well.

Americans are the fattest inhabitants of Planet Earth…at least among humans, and getting fatter by the year. There are now 4-5 million Americans that 100 pounds or more overweight, and over 50 million Americans are fat enough to be considered obese, .

If just the obese and morbidly obese Americans made a 2007 New Year’s resolution to get down to their ideal weight, we would have to lose somewhere around 2,500,000,000 pounds of fat.
As a country, we would have to lose (my favorite number) about 69,000,000 (69 million) pounds per day to get down to our "normal" body weight. I would do the math and tell y’all how many Hostess HoHo’s or Boeing 747’s that is, but the numbers are so big they are meaningless.

So, none of this would bother me except that;

A) My old lady gives me shit about being fat. Last Haloween she suggested I just paint Goodyear on my side and go as the blimp.
B) I can no longer see my dick when I look down. This wouldn’t bother me all that much, but dude, it’s like my best friend, y’know?
C) My bike doesn’t accelerate the way it used to.
D) When I am walking down the coach aisle of a plane looking for my seat, the people already in their seats look scared when I walk toward them.. Alright, I actually enjoy that one.

So I am thinking about going on the Amp diet January 1, and I might just make it a public thing.

If your woman wants to lose some weight in the new year, it will be more fun if she knows that **sperm having a lot of calories is just a myth**! A load of cum actually has about six calories per tablespoon.

If she sucks dick for more than a minute, sucking dick actually has a negative caloric impact! That is to say, it takes more calories to suck a dick than are in the cum she swallows. So for the New Year, you will be doing her a favor to encourage her to give as much head as possible ("Honey, I am just doing this for you".). It is also best for her to make sure and swallow every drop every time. Cum contains calcium, magnesium, nitrogen, vitamin B12, and zinc - and only about six calories a load.
Oh yeah, if she is planning to lose weight, send us before, during, and after pictures and we will post them for you!