Ok, this might be the funniest shit I have ever seen. As most of you know, Amp is a strong supporter of Adult Friend Finder - it is absolutely the best place on the net to hook up with real women, but there are MANY dating sites out there. Over the next few days, I thought we could explore a few of them. First on the list is GreenSingles.com (no, really, I shit you not), for those want a green partner. Yum. Green pussy. Amp wants it. Can you fucking imagine a date off this site? “Well honey, I grew it myself and, well, I like like to think of it as my own personal tree, so what say you give it a little hug there. Oooooh, now I have a happy tree! See how it grows? Hug it some more…..nnnn…yeah. OK, it is time to give the tree a big, wet, kiss honey. Oooooh, the treee likes that just fine! What? No, it isn’t hurt at all dear, that is just sap that is coming out because it is so happy! It’s Happy Sap!”

OK, I went to the site and did a search for “women seeking men”. In the first couple of pages these are actual real ads from the site. I know you don’t believe me - fuck - I don’t believe me! Swear to God - here they are….along with my responses.

“Hi! Have you ever meet a world travelling - latino-mulatto-french-urban-rural india-hindoo-wanna-be-puditjini-artistic-oddisi-performing-jazz to R+B New- skul -musician-vedic astrologically literate-vedic sciences/ arts lover?”

I fucking hope not.

“In the process on conquering the darkness I have moved to the country. I have to limit the stress in my life in a serious way and I threw away the Xanax. So, I now live in NC with my two cats…”

Mam, I am calling Animal Control and I order you to step away from the chalupa..

hi! i’m a vegetarian, petite wheelchair user who loves bonding with animals…

Mam, I am calling Animal Control and I order you to step roll away from the chalupa..

Why just ask the donkey in me To speak to the donkey in you, When I have so many other beautiful animals And brilliant colored birds inside That are all longing to say something wonderful?

Mam, I truly apoligize for laughing so hard I cried and for not even being able to breathe for the last fifteen minutes, but now that I can (barely) speak again, I would just like to say that Nirvanna has just told me that my Donkey has an appointment with your Ass, and that I should give all your colorful birds a sample of my special nectar…..and then I am going to have to call Animal Control.

Holy shit….this world just gets stranger by the minute. Vegetarian poon? And I’ll bet it don’t even taste like chicken anymore…

Prefer to have some red-blooded, meat-eating, real live pussy? Take your best shot and CLICK HERE - Trust Amp - Pink beats Green every time!

C’ya!