Beijing, Bangkok, and Beyond - Researchers in China at the People’s Zoo in Beijing (ha-ha, People’s Zoo?), have conclusive proof that showing giant panda bears porn DVD’s causes them to breed more often and more successfully. After a year of showing pandas porn, they are breeding well in captivity for the first time ever. I guess it’s sort of like showing Ampland to trouser snakes.

Fourteen panda cubs were born in China this year through the porn-assisted breeding program. This information was delivered by Chinese researcher Zhang Zhihe to an audience of 140 Panda experts at a conference in Thailand. Holy shit, there are a hundred and forty panda experts? Humanity has way too much time on it’s hands. Actually, Mr. Zhihe (pronounced zzzzz-hee hee) wondered privately how many attendees were actual Panda experts and how many had just stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night…
No pandas were actually born outside China last year using natural methods, but the acid test will come in January, 2007 in Thailand, when Thai researcher Prasertsak Buntragulpoontawee will attempt to duplicate China’s success by repeating the show-porn-to-the-bears experiment in Thailand. BTW, in 2002, Prasertsak Buntragulpoontawee was awarded a doctorate in everything for pronouncing his or her own last name.

Amp’s Sexperiment #L8-4-69

After writing this post, and always wanting more and better sex, I had a great idea on how to get my old lady off. I decided that if I went down on her and said “Prasertsak Buntragulpoontawee” five times real fast with my mouth firmly planted in her pussy and tongue outstretched, it would make her come like a motherfucker (getting her hot usually makes her fuck better). So, naked and ready, and wearing my new mask and crotchless snorkel, I descended on her womanhood and blurted out the magic words, muffled by muff. Did she cum like a levee-break and reward me with the best sex of my life? Negatory. She laughed so hard she shit on my chin. Back to the drawing board.C ‘ya