Amp apologizes! - I know I have been ragging on people a lot, saying that there is stupid in the very air we breathe. I was wrong. Britney and Fed-Ex, buyers of OJ’s book, people who get caught fucking dead deer, you are all geniuses compared to the off-the-charts, biblically stupid shit that hit the wires today

~ Global Orgasm For Peace Day 2006 ~

Just when you think you have heard and seen it all, along come Donna Sheehan, 76 and Paul Reffell, 55 (pronounced ROFL). Paul and Donna have decided to launch Global Orgasm For Peace Day. On December 22, 2006 they want us to all get together and have a gigantic planetary orgasm to stop war.

Just when you think you have heard and seen it all, along come Donna Sheehan, 76 and Paul Reffell, 55 (pronounced ROFL). Paul and Donna have decided to launch Global Orgasm For Peace Day. On December 22, 2006 they want us to all get together and have a gigantic planetary orgasm to stop war.According to the happy couple, the theory is that the event will “effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy - a Synchronized Global Orgasm.” The result will be that everyone experiences peace….or is that piece?

Wow! Think it’ll work? You know, here at Ampland we have been promoting freestyle orgasm for about a decade and other than sticky keyboards and lots of happy, relaxed Amplanders, we really haven’t noticed much effect on the world itself. I mean, not to rain on your parade folks, and I do realize you have…uh…many years of experience between you (mental graphic deleted…damnit, I said deleted…whew), but a whole lot of us are already having sex. Every day. And it hasn’t made any visible difference in the war on terror that I can see.

So, Paul and Donna, you want everyone on the planet to get together and start fucking each other. I really resent having to take time out of my life to explain this to you but hey, we are already fucking each other! That’s how all the wars got started in the first place! Plus, how much fear do you think we are going to strike in the hearts of terrorists if they think this is our secret weapon? Can you see them quaking in their sandals? “The Americans are cuming! The Americans are cuming!”

Mr Reffel believes that war is mainly an outgrowth of men trying to impress potential mates, or as he put it, a case of “my missile is bigger than your missile”. Paul, you have no “missile” dude. I mean, with all due respect to Donna, are you counting the days ’til December 22, 2006 when you get to bag a 76-year-old hippie chick because you got her over-medicated, wrinkled ass to believe it would bring world peace? Seems like a lot of work for the reward. Wouldn’t it be easier to find a dead deer to fuck? I heard Britney Speers is having some trouble getting laid - maybe you could try her. I hear she pays well.

Speaking of missiles, here is the real relationship between sex and war as Amp sees it: