Yeah, I watched the news again today. Seems like major media follows a set formula: take a couple of stories that you don’t have to work too hard to find, and beat the living shit out of them until people are so bored they look forward to the commercials. So I went out and found us some real important news. Fuck FOX and CNN, here’s the shit you really need to know.You’re welcome.

WMD’s in Indonesia for Bush Visit (Weapons of Mass Diarrhea)
BOGOR (pronounced boo-ger), Indonesia — A famous “black magic” practitioner joined public protests against Bush’s visit to Indonesia, slaughtering animals as he cast a spell against George Bush. The guy said, as he killed a snake, a black crow and a goat, he had to use “Haitian-style voodoo” because “Indonesian black magic does not work on foreigners”. He then prayed, after smearing his face with a mixture of his own blood and blood from the animals. Finally, he added vegetables and sugar cane. “My curse will make him bloat like broccoli.” he said. Hmm….Did I see this guy on Iron Chef? Asked if he was confident the hex would work, Pamungkas said: “I’ve put voodoo curses on white men in Indonesia before, and they all died.” Uh oh.

2007 Mercedes-Benz SL600 EVO - 605hp and 217mph
The German tuning company KICHERER took Mercedes’ new SL600 and gave it a little extra boost. They tuned the biturbo V12 to 605 hp from the stock 517 hp. After playing with the engine they removed the speed limiter and added a carbon fiber hood and aerodynamic accessories to keep the car on the ground at the new 217 mph top speed. I believe the warranty on this vehicle actually guarantees you will get laid - so it may be worth a million dollars to some people. Don’t think anyone is crazy enough to spend a million dollars just for a piece of ass? Britney honey, we weren’t laughing at you, really we weren’t.

 KICHERER engineered SL600

China Watch
Beijing, China - For years, China has had a one-child-per-family policy to control population growth. It seems the policy has now been extended to dogs. Families must have only one dog. How having fewer dogs around the house will reduce population growth, is probably a place we do not want to go. Those crazy Chinese. Apparently, there is no limit to the number of puppies dogs may have. I am not sure who get to be top dog. I don’t think I am old enough to finish writing about this subject.

C ‘ya