Yesterday, I asked my old lady if she wanted to go to the truck show. Her answer made me think - too much. She answered in woman-speak. Woman-speak goes like this: Ask a guy if he wants to go to a truck show, you get a Yes or No answer. Ask a woman the same question, and you get one of the following: either she will tell you how she feels about going to the show (if you’re lucky), or she will tell you how she feels about being asked to go to the show. It is this kind of response that makes us learn to smile, nod, and ignore them.

Which brings us to my new theory -  

The inside of a woman’s brain is a complex series of very fine and delicate circuits.Given the complexity of the systems involved, there is no way in the world to guess what is going on in a women’s head unless you are a woman yourself. The motivations and thought processes of a woman are as foreign to a man as asking directions.

A man’s brain on the other hand is a much simpler affair: there are just three large wires. They represent Sex, Food, and Shelter, in that order. In a dating situation, a man will honor his date by putting Food ahead of Sex as he takes her to dinner. Of course, immediately afterward, he expects to get current flowing through the Sex wire. Once these two circuits are lit - if the woman then shows any inkling whatsoever of domestic capacity ( i.e. picks up a sock, throws something toward the trash can, boils water), the man now has current running through all three wires. To a man this pretty much defines a relationship. With every possible need met, he grabs the remote, secure in his studliness once again.

So ladies, that is pretty much how it works. If any of you would like to…uh…go out to dinner, just drop me an email at the bottom of this page.